I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
