i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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