i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
porn star boner night. come get it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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