Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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