Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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