If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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