hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
