I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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