It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
as a side note pls kill me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
