Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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