is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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