my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
