I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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