College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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