She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
