Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
