Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so explain again why im purple
no
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
