I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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