I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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