what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
