Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
