Kiss
Puke
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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