A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
