she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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