I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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