this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
