I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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