theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
