i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
