ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
