I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
