Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
