I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
