Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
