Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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