At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
