can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
