there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
