i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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