My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
