So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
