You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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