I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
