in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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