Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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