He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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