I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
