Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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