Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
