things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
