just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
