I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
