you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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