just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
